Lenten Resolutions
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were finishing off a great Mardi Gras on Tuesday night. Both had been imbibing for nearly two weeks and thier last bit of common sense had been left in Rayne on the way to the Big Easy. At around midnight Boudreaux felt overcome by the Lenten Spirit (or Abita Turbo Dogs) and stood up on a stool and announced that he was giving up drinking for Lent. The many friends with them patted him on the back and wished him luck while thinking there was no way he could do it. All except Thibodeaux.
Thibodeaux was one who did not like to be outdone. In a fit of pride supercharged by fourteen days of living on cold beer and raw oysters, Thibodeaux grabbed a stool, stood teetering on it and declared, much to Marie's suprise, that he was giving up sex for lent.
You could have heard a pin drop. Even the juke box was so dumbstruck, it stopped playing. Thibodeaux knew even then that he had made a big mistake.
After getting thier ashes on Wednesday the revelers. still in a post-Gras stupor, got together and discussed thier situation. Both knew they were in need of divine intervention, but since this on one of only 5 masses they attended regulary, they decided to rely on each other for support. Thier plan was to meet each Sunday afternoon and motivate each other to get through the following week.
The first Sunday meeting went about as expected. Boudreaux really didn't have a taste for alchohol yet and Marie was so peeved at Thibodeaux he couldn't have had sex with her if she had been dead. Anyway it had only been 5 days. Anybody can quit for 5 days.
On the following Sunday, day twelve, the two partners in fasting, met as planned. Boudreaux immediately exclaimed that he was dyyyyyying for a beer. He tried to hide the shakes when Clotile was around and was not able to sleep through the night. Thibodeaux proudly proclaimed that he was doing fine, helped along by Marie who was obligingly helpful. He told Boudreaux to hang in there and and that it would get better soon.
When day nineteen rolled around, Boudreax was decidely better but Thibodeaux was starting to have second thoughts about his hastily made promise to God. Boudreaux stated that he may have finally gotten over the hump. It was like slogging through the marsh to get to a duck blind; tough going, but worth the work. He was sleeping like a baby, quit shaking and could remember where he had been yesterday. (a new experience unto itself) Thibodeaux's story was quite different. Marie was now taunting him by wearing slinky camouflage nighties to bed and he was having a hard time with that. On top of that he was normally pretty active so this was killing him.
And so it went for the next 5 weeks. Boudreaux steadily getting better and Thibodeaux on a steady decline. But week after week Boudreaux kept after him and Thibodeaux remained strong. Or so it seemed.
Finally Easter Sunday arrived (one of those five masses) and the two arrived at the church for 930 mass. Boudreaux was beaming. He had made his forty days of fasting and was better for it. Everything about him showed he was a better man for it. Thibodeaux on the other hand came to worship looking rather forelorn. Boudreaux couldn't understand. Just last week, with the end in sight, he had given Thibodeaux his best pep talk ever. He thought for sure that something else must have been on Thibodeaux's mind. He ambled over and the two walked away from the rest of the congregation.
Boudreaux: "Wus da mattta cher?"
Thibodeaux: "Oh Boudreaux. I did a bad ting cher."
Boudreaux: "You didn't?"
Thibideaux: "I did."
Boudreraux: "What happened?"
Thibodeaux: "Well Marie and me wuz trying to find somethin' for supper las Thursday. Marie
she was leaning over da freezer looking through da meats and I was standing behind her watchin' her cute bottom wiggle around and den her skirt moved up too far and she had on my favoritist little panties and I just couln't take it no more. I had to right dere on the freezer."
Boudreaux: "OOOOH Cher! Dey gonna throw you out da church!"
Thibodeaux: "Why not. Dey already won't let us back in da Wal-Mart!!!!!"
Thibodeaux was one who did not like to be outdone. In a fit of pride supercharged by fourteen days of living on cold beer and raw oysters, Thibodeaux grabbed a stool, stood teetering on it and declared, much to Marie's suprise, that he was giving up sex for lent.
You could have heard a pin drop. Even the juke box was so dumbstruck, it stopped playing. Thibodeaux knew even then that he had made a big mistake.
After getting thier ashes on Wednesday the revelers. still in a post-Gras stupor, got together and discussed thier situation. Both knew they were in need of divine intervention, but since this on one of only 5 masses they attended regulary, they decided to rely on each other for support. Thier plan was to meet each Sunday afternoon and motivate each other to get through the following week.
The first Sunday meeting went about as expected. Boudreaux really didn't have a taste for alchohol yet and Marie was so peeved at Thibodeaux he couldn't have had sex with her if she had been dead. Anyway it had only been 5 days. Anybody can quit for 5 days.
On the following Sunday, day twelve, the two partners in fasting, met as planned. Boudreaux immediately exclaimed that he was dyyyyyying for a beer. He tried to hide the shakes when Clotile was around and was not able to sleep through the night. Thibodeaux proudly proclaimed that he was doing fine, helped along by Marie who was obligingly helpful. He told Boudreaux to hang in there and and that it would get better soon.
When day nineteen rolled around, Boudreax was decidely better but Thibodeaux was starting to have second thoughts about his hastily made promise to God. Boudreaux stated that he may have finally gotten over the hump. It was like slogging through the marsh to get to a duck blind; tough going, but worth the work. He was sleeping like a baby, quit shaking and could remember where he had been yesterday. (a new experience unto itself) Thibodeaux's story was quite different. Marie was now taunting him by wearing slinky camouflage nighties to bed and he was having a hard time with that. On top of that he was normally pretty active so this was killing him.
And so it went for the next 5 weeks. Boudreaux steadily getting better and Thibodeaux on a steady decline. But week after week Boudreaux kept after him and Thibodeaux remained strong. Or so it seemed.
Finally Easter Sunday arrived (one of those five masses) and the two arrived at the church for 930 mass. Boudreaux was beaming. He had made his forty days of fasting and was better for it. Everything about him showed he was a better man for it. Thibodeaux on the other hand came to worship looking rather forelorn. Boudreaux couldn't understand. Just last week, with the end in sight, he had given Thibodeaux his best pep talk ever. He thought for sure that something else must have been on Thibodeaux's mind. He ambled over and the two walked away from the rest of the congregation.
Boudreaux: "Wus da mattta cher?"
Thibodeaux: "Oh Boudreaux. I did a bad ting cher."
Boudreaux: "You didn't?"
Thibideaux: "I did."
Boudreraux: "What happened?"
Thibodeaux: "Well Marie and me wuz trying to find somethin' for supper las Thursday. Marie
she was leaning over da freezer looking through da meats and I was standing behind her watchin' her cute bottom wiggle around and den her skirt moved up too far and she had on my favoritist little panties and I just couln't take it no more. I had to right dere on the freezer."
Boudreaux: "OOOOH Cher! Dey gonna throw you out da church!"
Thibodeaux: "Why not. Dey already won't let us back in da Wal-Mart!!!!!"
posted by giovanni at 5:39 PM
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