Drunk Driver

Only a person in Louisiana could think of this. From the parish
where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story.

Recently a routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in Houma,
Louisiana. After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the
bar so intoxicated thqt he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed like an eternity, in which he tried his keys on
five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it.
He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar
and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off ( it was
a fine, dry, summer night) flicked the blinkers on and off a
coupleof times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He
moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed little and then
remained still for a few more min;u;tes as some more of the other
patrons vehicles left.

At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he
pulled out and drove slowly down the road.
The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now
started up his patrol car, put on the flasing lights, pormptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the
breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any
alcohol at all!!

Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me
to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it", the truly proud Cajun said. "Tonight I'm the Designated Decoy."

Three Italian Nuns

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini.."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asks.

"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.

St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says.

No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by

1,400 men in 6 months.

If you laugh, you are going straight to hell

Boudreaux the Baptist

Boudreaux, a Cajun highlander from Rapides Parish in central Louisiana, was

an older, single gentleman, who was born and raised a Baptist, living in

South Louisiana. Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor

grill and cook a venison steak. Now, all of Boudreaux's neighbors were

Catholic... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Fridays.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem

for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The priest came to

visit Boudreaux, and suggested that Boudreaux convert to Catholicism.

After several classes and much study, Boudreaux attended Mass... and as the

priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist and

raised a Baptist, but now you are Catholic."

Boudreaux's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the

wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The priest was

called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Boudreaux's

yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped in amazement and

watched. There stood Boudreaux, clutching a small bottle of water which he

carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat, and chanted: "You wuz born a

deer, and you wuz raised a deer, but now you a catfish."